Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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