I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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