dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the day after is always just damage control
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
