she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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