New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
