Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
