Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
