I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
