You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
