I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
