we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
