I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we made out on top of his cat.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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