just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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