One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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