Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
