i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
