I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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