bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
