I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
