we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
