just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
