i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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