I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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