Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
