yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
