wrigley field is MILF paradise
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
