Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
