Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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