I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
