At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize
