I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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