i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
