Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
