i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
