Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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