So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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