dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
