Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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