Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
