Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
