I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
