it was like eating out sand paper
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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