You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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