hotel room ftw
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
