This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
