I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
