The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
