Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Randomize
