I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Say something about gay babies.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
