so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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