is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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