Someone shit on the floor
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
