so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
