Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
