Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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