shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
